“I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat cheese.”
Tag Archives: wife
On deciding whether or not to bring her purse
“You’re my wallet now.”
Sounds much more gold-diggery than it was meant…
“It looks like a backwards fast forward button.”
You mean the rewind button?
You’re doing it wrong – smelling
“I was trying to smell the smoke and a Cheeto fell out of my mouth.”
“What if your belly button was a portal to another world?”
“I’m even weirder in my dreams than I am in real life.”
“I may have farted right in that dog’s face.”
I thought it was just one of those dogs that had a naturally wrinkly face, but I guess not.
“You made me laugh and I burped at the same time…. I lurped.”
Sanity is over-rated anyway
“I like how I think I’m sane when I say something and then you look at me like that and I think, oh, maybe I’m not…”